DOSE:

2 hits

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

I have never written anything even remotely resembling what I am about to write so bear with me. I think many Salvia experiences are life changing and mine is no exception. I am putting this one in print because it is a bit different than most I have read. It has had a profound effect on me.

The setting was with a good friend. She went first with two fairly weak hits. Her trip lasted about 17 minutes with a solid 5 spent laughing non stop. My turn and I took two average hits from the pipe. I held the first for about 20 seconds and the second until I 'left'. This was my 4th trip so I felt at ease and like an old pro. The first thing I remember seeing was the smoke from my last exhale. It moved in front of me and for a split second seeing it was unsettling because it seemed to be... well alive is not the right word, but it gave me a momentary feeling of being aware. It was sort of that unpleasant feeling you get when you enter an extremely dark room and you get a chill from the sense of presence whether real or imagined.

I moved immediately to 'the tearing universe'. This is still hard to deal with because only my innermost spirit is there. My ego and knowledge of this existence doesn't get to go this far so my spirit is there all alone. I (my spirit) wonders how I got there, what I am, who I am, but most importantly I actually see reality unfolding from a different perspective. I realize that I am seeing things for what they really are but it's more than that. I also realize but there is no way to express it in words that I have known this all along. I am not learning anything new. Now I am not talking about suppressed memories exactly. Those deal with the hear and now and has been in the existence we are only familiar with. This is muuuuch deeper. I almost felt as though I could easily wake up 'somewhere else' and realize this reality was just a fleeting thought.

For brief moments my spirit and physical self connected long enough for me to say it's ok let go. Don't be afraid to continue. The universe 'looks' like it's ripping but that is just where I belong. It sucked me toward it but it did not hurt me. I was really experiencing the effect of being torn away from it, and this gave me the sense of being pulled in. As I lost connection another 'scary' vision came into view. It was terrifying at first but then I just realized that I had blinked my eyes and the 'time' dissolving of the salvia stretched the single blink into an eternity.

I moved back to the scene of the universe that I know stretching and rolling in front of me. It seems to roll something like a scroll (makes me think about the verse in Revelations about the heavens rolling up like a scroll) but it comes to a point on one side and at that point all existence that we know comes into being. The thin skin of this scroll is the existence we see everyday and everything else is infinitly 'something else'.

Now this trip ended like the others with a gradual awareness of my surroundings as I came back with a few driftbacks.

The noteworthy part of this trip or maybe combining all the trips over the last 2 weeks would be a more appropriate way to analyze this, is that the Salvia effects wore off as normal but the for the next week my mind was literally flooded with knowledge, or understanding, or maybe more memories - things I knew already. The first 24 hours was the most powerful. I will never forget that Friday afternoon. So many thoughts were coming to me that I could hardly see. I actually had to go somewhere and sit down in a quiet place. I thought this would clear my mind but it only took away the distractions and the thinking got stronger and clearer. This went on for a week gradually subsiding everyday.

What did I learn? My friend call everyday to find out. There is no way to put into words the understanding that I have gained. It is truly a personal experience so deep that words become like the thin fabric of the scroll. They only tell an infinitely small portion of the story. The problem with the knowledge I gained is that once I knew it I have always known it but it is now so obvious I can't understand why someone doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell them about it. My choice of word in the previous sentence was not a mistake.

I will put somethings I learned that I consider profound in list form. I appologize for anything that doesn't come across accurately because of poor word choice.

1) God is Light. Not just any light. Pure light. The only thing in existence that is infinite but at the same time can have substance. The absolute substance of everything.

2) A perfect world was created. The world was created for God's joy. Light must 'shine' on something to be complete. (tough one to word)

3) God created a perfect world and gave us free will. God created a perfect world because he is a perfect being. The only way a creation of any sort can be perfect is to allow every choice. It is not perfect if any potential choices are not created or held back. When the world was created (and by world I mean everything that is) God made every single possible scenario at once. It makes God sad that we made a bad choice but it was ours to make. Every choice is there in a perfect world even the bad ones. Satan made one of the first ones.

4) Prisoners of sin - I heard this but it never truly made any sense. Now it seems obvious. The world as we know it, the one we are locked in, is imperfect. It is not as originally created - physically or spiritually. It has been changed twice - once during the time of Adam and again at the time of Noah. I mean at these times the very fabric of the scroll was changed and this is important - these changes encompassed both past and future meaning nothing from before was the same either.

5) Every single part of our being down to infinity is working in a spiritual soup. Every movement every thought moves in tandem with every other potential thought or action. You move they move so to speak but 'they' aren't you necessarily but you rely on them to exist and vice versa. This is definitely in the 'cant put it into words' class. This is probably because words are only used here. Thoughts are used everywhere else. Existence just becomes one of those things you understand like how a light bulb works. If you understand it you take it for granted but there is still an issue. You know how the light is made but you dont know how the light really works. Your friend is completely clueless not even knowing whats in a lighbulb much less how it works.

6) Anything can be good or bad. Its not about how you use it but WHO helps you use it.

7) Bad things happen for a reason but that is putting it too simply to make any sense. The problem is bad or evil is all about perception. We are only supposed to be concerned with our spiritual being and God. We are blind and only see things in front of us now. We perceive an illness for example as a bad thing or even evil and ask 'why would God let this happen' if he is so good. We only think this thing is bad because we want everything we experience to be what we consider good in the world our senses tells us is here. If we were still deeply connected to the spiritual(for lack of a better word) world then we would understand and care little for such things. The only reason we fear most bad things in life are the fear that we will be prevented from experiencing something. Illness might take a love one away, a cold prevents you from doing something, a war causes gas to go up. We fear evil things because we are tied to this reality and we dont want things taken that we love.

There is more but this was getting lengthy so I'll stop there. I am sorry if some of this is poorly worded but I just wanted to write down what I knew before it left me. Deep down I fear losing what I now know. I feel there is a massive effort going on to rebuild the wall or mechanism that has prevented my access to these things. The once crystal clear understanding of the first few days has given way to a duller scrapbook type image now. The basics seem to be solid but the detail is hard to see.

The mystery is how did the original trip/s lead to so much information? What did it do to me? I can say to myself or others that I believe in this or that spiritually but there is something overwhelming about knowing it for sure. I mean knowing it like I know the sun will come up tommorrow.

One more thing. I was left hanging on one issue I would like to mention. There is much talk of people being deceived by the Devil and even God. You can't deceive all the people all the time I thought so this as many things never made sense. Now I only say all this to frame a single disturbing thought that came with no reference points or explaination. The thought was really a question and answer. What is the one thing we are sure of? We don't know anything for sure. You may say you beleive in God or Satan or anything else but 'most' will have a doubt because you can't see them. It might be a small doubt but a doubt none the less. There is only one thing every single person on earth, save maybe a very few, knows for sure. The answer is our very existence. The fact that we exist is the only thing we know for sure. I'm sorry I don't know anymore about this. It is tantalizing but I don't know where it is going. Anything further would be assumption on my part but it it does have something to do with a 'deception' but I don't know who or what or when.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 53391
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 11, 2008	Views: 5,518
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)