DOSE:

repeated

Cocaine

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

115 lb

A little white lie

I never thought that at the age of 43 that I would be a coke addict, but I am. I remember when I was small that I dreamed of having 3 kids, a beautiful house, a great husband, and driving a Volvo stationwagon. No one dreams of growing up and being an addict! But here I am.

I started out smoking pot at the age of 15, (I was still a virgin). Though out the years I tried all sorts of drugs including acid, all kinds of pharmaceutical pills and of course coke. Never got hooked on anything until I meet Brian. From that time on life became a downward spiral. Going to work high on coke all day and taking xanax at night to go to sleep. My dealer worked for me so the supply was endless. I went from having a great job, a beautiful apartment and of course my Volvo, to quitting my job and moving back home with my mother and working part time for my brother.

Everything that I had is gone because of cocaine. I have not worked a real job in my field for over a year and every penny that I make goes to my addiction. I have been clean and sober now for 12 days and it sucks. I thought that after the initial detox that I would be feeling better but I am not. I have learned from reading on the internet about coke that it takes about a month to start feeling better. What happens when one does coke it uses up all one's seritione level and that is what makes you naturally feel good. I was so depressed that I didn’t even take a shower for 5 days or even brush my teeth. How disgusting is that. It gets better little by little each day. But it is a slow process, something that us coke addicts don’t deal well with. SLOW PROCESS.

I thought that when I was high that I was smarter, better looking and all around had more confidence. But it is just a farce, that what the drugs lets me think it does for me but in reality it does the opposite. I lost all my sober friends, they didn’t like the new me. And now I have ended the relationships with all my drug friends to get my self back on track in the real world. I am lonely, but I have hope and faith that this stage in my life is a short one. I know that I should go to an AA meeting but I am just not ready for that. My life for the past 18 months has just been “a little white lie”.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 56401
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 10, 2018	Views: 1,439
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Cocaine (13) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)