DOSE:	repeated	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
	repeated	oral	Alcohol

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

In the beginning of 2008 I moved out of home to live with a friend of mine in an apartment in midtown. I also had a friend with me visiting from college, living with me and he had no money and I was short from paying rent and car notes. In order to make more money we had began buying 100 pink swan e-pills at a time from a guy we met at a party once.. We didnt really have many people to sell that much ex to (our friends are poor) so we ended up eating most of them. This report isnt really about the feeling of the ex because it was not out of the ordinary just usual rolling. Its more about the odd effects that began after a month of eating 3 to 4 e pills sometimes more a day.

The first really scary thing that happened was after a night of being up all night rolling and drinking. I went to work and while sitting at my desk I had a severe 'head rush'. I say head rush because I dont know what to call it, the feeling is hard to explain in words and is utterly terrifying. It almost feels as if I'm losing consciousness but I also get a feeling of intense fear and loss of balance. They were so intense that I would reach out and grab something/someone and all I could say afterwards was oh my god. The first time I had it I said to myself oh shit because the only time I ever felt anything like that I was overdosing on cocaine. After this happened I would tell myself to relax because I felt like I was going to freak out in a professional work environment.

I continued to roll not knowing what the cause was. These head rushes continued in waves that would come and go ranging from intenseness but it continued for weeks on weeks and got to be debilitating. They started to make me sad/angry because I was always anxious and fearful of having an attack.

The effects got worse from there, I began to feel very faint and dizzy. I had a feeling of being detached or semi unconscious like I wasnt really all there in reality. It was like I had a dim veil over my eyes at all time. My body was heavy and I always felt like leaning up against something or laying down. I felt like at any moment I could pass out. This was a general all day feeling that I had during this period in my life. This feeling would get so bad and combined with the head rushes that I started having full on panic attacks (I didnt know what a panic attack was then).

At work I would frequently become so scared an anxious of my symptoms that I would leave work and go sit in my car. Sometimes I'd buy beer which would help the effects somewhat. On the way down the elevator one day which was the worst attack I've ever had, the feeling of fainting and head rushes became so intense that my heart started beating heavily. This scared me even more, now I remember being in the elevator waiting on it to get to the bottom. Being trapped in the elevator didnt help. By the time the door opened I had my fists clenched. I was completely convinced that I was dying and even remember saying 'no, no'. Right before the door opened my ears started ringing and I heard a loud VOOOOOSH noise. I was really tweaking the fuck out. I threw myself onto the counter at the front desk and tried to say I need an ambulance. I could barely move or talk and my hands and feet were going NUMB.

I was completely convinced I was dying. My work also was convinced from that point on that I was on drugs heavily. Which wasnt that far from the truth but someone had spread rumors that I was actually rolling at work which wasnt the case.

That was the worst of them but they continued for months. I'd always have panic attacks wherever I went and would creep my friends out by having them listen to my heart, or grabbing onto their arms and squeezing them like a stress ball, etc., and not until I read about panic attacks on the internet did I realise that the ecstasy was just making me anxious and panicky . I'm prone to panic anyway so that probably didnt help.

I hardly ever ever take ecstasy anymore. The effects are not what they used to be and I'm afraid of becoming like I was. Anyway ex is great but prolonged use of it did this to me and it was probably the worst couple of months of my life... In fact it was hell.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 73493
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: May 19, 2020	Views: 788
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