BODY WEIGHT:

280 lb

On more than one occasion, I've tried meditation and self-hypnosis, usually to little effect. Tonight, however, I decided to try again, and finally, I understand what meditation is all about.

I started around 11 PM. I sat on a pillow on the floor of my living room, sitting against the couch with my legs crossed and my hands in my lap. I closed my eyes and tried not to think. As a person with a somewhat hyperactive mind, this was difficult. I was tired when I began, and tiredness had brought with it the usual nervousness and mild paranoia. I had the feeling that there might be someone else in the house. Eventually, I realized that I was just scared of the silence, since I'm usually talking or listening to the radio most of the time.

For a while, I tried to clear my mind by simply stopping my thoughts, but each time I stopped them, I'd think about stopping them, and stop that thought with a thought, and so on. Eventually, I tried a technique I'd read about somewhere: thinking the sound “SO” as I breathed in and “HUM” as I breathed out. This worked a little better, but the thoughts were still hard to control, so I switched to the counting method: counting on each inhale and thinking “OM” on each exhale. This worked better.

Eventually, I started picturing each number in my mind as I counted it. Thoughts still kept cropping up. I thought about random things: various experience reports I'd read detailing what meditation was like, a vacation I once took, and other such things. Around this point, I started to notice that my head was slowly drooping forward the way it does when I self-hypnotize.

Then, something happened. I'd read about it, but I wasn't prepared for the effect. It's difficult to describe, but I felt a sort of tension building up. From my research, I knew what to expect, and then it came, in a sudden rush: my whole body felt fluid, and it felt like I was floating. There was a moment of euphoria, but it wasn't precisely euphoria. I'm not really sure how to describe it, but it was very pleasant. Suddenly, I felt the sensation I'd read about: I could feel that the stuff that made up my legs was the same stuff that made up the floor, like the whole room was one single object and I was part of it.

I opened my eyes, and found that my usual laser-like focus was diffused. I didn't forcefully focus on one single object the way I normally do. There were still thoughts cropping up, but they were pushed to the back of my mind. I looked around, and I just saw things. I could look at the name of a company on the back of an envelope and just see the name without thinking all those linguistic thoughts that go along with it. Ditto for the titles on DVD cases.

I was perfectly still, and felt no real desire to do anything else. I closed my eyes and counted some more, then opened them and looked at the carpet right in front of my legs. I found myself staring mindlessly at it, and after a while, a curious thing started to happen. Again, I felt like I was floating, but there were visual changes, too. The weird way my eyes were focusing made the world look a picture with a translucent negative of itself superimposed on it. It's very hard to describe. I found that the harder I concentrated on the carpet, the more fluid and floaty my body felt. I was exhilarated, but it wasn't an intense emotion. The best way I can describe it is “subtly pleasant,” simple and clean, like a good painting.

For a while, I tried to recapture that feeling of fluidity and floatiness, but by then, only my legs felt fluid. I was starting to have more normal thoughts again, and yet I was still placid and calm. I thought of monks who endured unbelievable pain without flinching, and wondered aimlessly if the state I was in was what allowed them to do that. I sort of doubted it. For a few more minutes, I tried to re-capture the fluid rush, but then I decided that it was time to stop. Slowly, I stood up. My arms and legs were solid again, but I still felt light and airy. Everything was very clear. I could still see the world precisely, and without thinking or judging too much. I felt a euphoric rush as I went into the kitchen. I felt good. I was calm and serene. I decided to have a glass of milk, and found that I could examine without any boredom the reflection of a light fixture in the milk bubbles. Existence itself was pleasant.

I'm writing this half an hour later, and the feeling has mostly faded. I feel solid, and don't feel like I'm floating. The tiredness has returned. Even so, I still feel good. I feel optimistic. Most of all, I feel *clean*, like something unpleasant has been washed from my mind. All in all, it was a wonderful experience, and I intend to meditate again as soon as possible.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 76368
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 20, 2020	Views: 729
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Meditation (128) : General (1), Alone (16)