BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

O.k. I have to write this..... I've never had a problem with cocaine in 34 years. The 35th, however, saw me in what I like to call 'the choke'.

The Choke defined: When you don't have any coke and you think about it at least three times an hour. Well, even when you have it you think about, it's just that when ya do, you can bump every time you think you want to.

My problem started when I was able to score my own blow without having to include my hoover-fiance'. He's the type that scores the shit at 10 o'clock pm, and proceeds to party ALL of it, in HUGE lines until it's GONE at 4 am, then jones until 7 or 8 because he can't sleep. Forget keeping up with him, you'll give youeself a heart attack! And who wants to make themselves that miserable?

So then comes the day that I can score without his knowledge and save the bag until the next day. Difficult, but let me tell you that knowing you got fresh un-touched teener will make your ass fly outta bed quicker than shit to get your face onto the plate! I've always liked the exclusivity factor of coke. The quick little trips to the bathroom to 'fix up your make-up a bit', and nobody's the wiser.

Nothing is better than a bump at 7am. (and 7:30, and 8 and 10, and noon ha ha) You're already awake and that first line hits the back of your head and the rush is incredible! And, when you live in a house full of Hoovers that are always eyeballing each other, and you, to see who's got the blow, those poor slobs are all at work so you can work your jaw and sniffle all day long without being suspect. Plus, I get soooo much stuff done! It's amazing!

So I began tracking my usage on my calendar. Every day that I did cocaine I put a red X through the day. From Jan thru April I used on the average of four days every week. I was using any where from a teener to an 8-ball every week.

Word of advice: Anyone who says that cocaine is not a dangerous drug hasn't done enough of it.

I would use all day until my nose would 'break' (that's where your already ulcerated septum begins to sting and burn and you upper palate aches and throbs. The pain is incredible and if you don't have any kleenex you are fucked because your nose runs and drips uncontollably and you can't snort anymore to keep it numb so you have to wait it out). It happened in front of my future parents-in-law, I told them I had allergies. It happened at work and I told everyone I was coming down with a terrible cold. Then as soon as I was over the broken nose, I would take some nasal spray to open my sinuses so I could snort again, until my nose broke etc etc etc.

This was starting to scare me. I felt that I may be addicted and was amused in a dark, morbid sort of way, tried to quit, couldn't. Every Wednesday was when I paid for the successive weekend's blow; I would be ok until tuesday, then I'll be damned if I wouldn't find myself at the cash station on Wed am drawing out the money.

How I quit:
The chick that I score from is a little coke-fiend too. I'll just refer to her as 'Eureka'. I always knew that she dug in my bag, which was no problem, since she's the one driving down there and risking her neck to pick up. I have a bright orange Z28, and if I'm the one who has to drive to get the shit, we're not getting any. Period. So does that make me addicted? If I can refuse on that basis? Who knows.

Anyways, Eureka's digging started to get out of control. I would give her 80$ for a teener, she could combine that with 35$ of her money, 35$ from her coke-fiend boyfriend, get an 8ball then give me about 40-50$ worth and their broke asses would party all weekend, and still beg me for a bump here and there (you, know, since she scored for me and all.) So believe it or not, I quit just to watch those mother-fuckers jones! And jones they did, and still do, because I was always the backbone, the 'one-with-the-wallet'. So it took about a month for me to get out of the choke, I don't think about it as frequently any more. But still do want it none-the-less. But I just refuse to get ripped off any more so I'm safe. For Now.........

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 7727
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 28, 2001	Views: 6,209
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Cocaine (13) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)