DOSE: T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 7:00	1 hit	oral	MDMA	(capsule)

BODY WEIGHT:

168 lb

I am unsure as to the exact amount in the capsule; all I know it was clear, and it contained white powder. I believe it was Molly because I got it from a friend whose judgment I trust, and he had taken some from the same batch on a previous occasion. I also believe it was Molly because the experience I had was the experience I've been told others who take Molly have. But, considering I am not a chemist, I can't be sure. But, for your information/entertainment, here is what happened.

Some back-story, I am a 19 year old college sophomore, studying English and Philosophy at a state college. My boyfriend, T, lives in an apartment near our school, where we were on the occasion of the drug experience I am going to detail. Aside from vitamins, I don't take any drugs on a regular basis, aside from Marijuana. However, I have asthma (triggered by cold weather and allergies), and use a rescue inhaler (albuterol). I have taken psychedelics on a mess of occasions over the past year and a half or so. Mushrooms and acid. I smoke a lot of pot. On the night in March when I tried Molly for the first time, I'd been getting stoned all day. It was Sunday.

So, my boyfriend and two of our friends dropped acid. The occasion being the fact that a snow day was called, and classes were canceled, and they'd been wanting to trip. I had bought said Molly a week or so previously, and decided not to trip, but to take the Molly. It seemed like a good occasion, and it was snowing, which was so fucking awesome, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Take drugs. Go for a walk. I was going to get my boots, in my dorm. T (my boyfriend, remember) and I are talking. I give him updates on how I'm feeling. He's a drug purist, as it were, and hasn't done e, or molly, or any other chemical aside from acid. And, he's on acid. We're giggling a lot. I'm really warm, even in the snow. I get my boots and we start to walk back to his apartment. We're almost there, I'm crossing a street. I feel a drop in my stomach, or chest, maybe. But not a bad drop, mainly because the drop was accompanied with a really wonderful feeling. The feeling of being completely and utterly okay. Contentment. Happiness. At this point, this is what I felt. A pleasant feeling, unearned but not unexpected, coursing through my body. Not too intense at first. I feel my heart beat fast, but either I don't notice, or it only speeds up once or twice. I'm laughing, hugging, loving. My boyfriend, he's on acid, and he fucking loves this.

The rest of the night, more of the same, but more so. The feeling gets more intense, gradually, for the next few hours, and at the peak, I'm doing Yoga. I can balance in a way I never can, even in the best moments of my practice.

I am completely without nervous energy. I am usually defined by my nervous energy, at peace with it, but it is defiantly always part of my countenance. On MDMA though, I am completely balanced, centered. I like to cuddle. I'm not that horny, although after I peaked, a while after, T and I did have sex, which was incredible. It's always incredible though. What was remarkable is that the drug made me able to move differently. I was more at ease with my body than usual. I looked in the mirror, and saw myself as a whole entity, not a conglomeration of parts. I found myself beautiful. I felt boundless love, love for myself, for whatever I drew my attention to. Cuddling, oh cuddling!

I could have what I call 'upper level thoughts', but the sensory level was so pleasurable, that I was not unable, but defiantly for the most part unwilling, to draw my attention away from what felt good. When I did, I had wonderful, easy thoughts about balance, gender (T was tripping about gender roles and Cixous, and post-structuralism), Buddhism, the way I usually act, inhibitions, and my amazing relationship with T.

I had a really good time interacting with my friends, also. At one point, I was moving around the kitchen with my friend P. And I felt as if we were flowing into each other, extending each other's reach, and it was all so harmonic. Moving my body felt so right. When I spoke, I did not cut myself off short, and felt as if I was really articulating what I meant. I had fun communicating with those who were tripping, because I was able to encourage them, especially T, because of my positive mindset.

At one point, we went for a walk in the snow, to try and find one of those who were tripping who went on a long walk. We didn't find him (he got home safe...he was exploring!) but did have a tremendously fun time. With T tripping and me on MDMA, we experienced the snow and our neighborhood the way little kids do, 'loving everything because it is known' (a paraphrase of a George Elliot quotation, from The Mill on the Floss). Everything was wonderful for me, not in the anesthetized way that everything is beautiful and complex and interesting when you are tripping, but in a more basic sense. I was happy, therefore I viewed everything around me as intrinsically okay, without problem, uncomplicated, unproblematic. There wasn't an aesthetic to my experience on MDMA, like there is when I am on acid, if you know what I mean. I just like everything, because I liked myself. It proved in an experiential way that I shape my own reality. Everything is subjective. Everything has the capacity for being okay. Structure, logic, constraints – these are what the human mind craves in times of struggle. But why do we have to hold on to these tools when everything is alright? I saw the structure, the constraints, as artificial. I didn’t need them. My mind was free.

The timeline: Come on: 30 minutes after dose. Peak: an hour after that, lasted about an hour. Come down: slight headache, strong effects lasted about 4 hours, after effects are still present the next day. I didn't experience what my friends call “e-day”, the bad feelings from lack of serotonin, but it might be because I smoked a good deal of really nice cannabis, and also stayed well hydrated and drank lots of fruit juice. However, it's only the next day as I am writing this, so it is hard to say how I will feel tomorrow. The euphoria is gone, but what I experienced stays with me. I now know what the human experience can feel like, in its extremities. Yes, on a drug, but it was still me. Still my brain-states. It's still a legitimate experience, when kept in perspective, at least in my experience.

My boyfriend had a really joyful acid trip, he kept saying how glad he was to see me so happy and free.

Overall, a wonderful experience, but one that I will not try to duplicate too often. It's a special thing, and should be used for special occasions! :o)

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 77282
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Oct 21, 2013	Views: 7,895
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2)