DOSE:

1 bowl

smoked

Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

148 lb

Meta-Cognition With Marijuana

I think marijuana is a drug with mixed blessings. One thing I constantly find myself asking is 'are the thoughts/feelings/sensations I get when stoned real, or is it just the weed speaking for me?' Initially, music was amazing on pot, and I couldn't get enough of it. After a while though, it was just like anything I listened to, whether it be a 19th century symphony or some dinky MIDI tune, sounded amazing. And it got kinda old. Having your mind blown repeatedly, like 'wowwwww...this is amazing, everything I thought I knew was wrong...' tends to get old, at least for me. I may be alone in this. I am someone with an incredibly active imagination, and it may be that pot is just too strong for me. I do find lighter doses more manageable. With heavy doses, it's like I cease to function – I'm plunged headfirst into the fractal depths of my mind, tinted mary j green. It's not a chill, relaxing thing. It's a racing, frenetic thing. I've had difficult experiences on pot. On the flip side, I've also had great experiences. I'm a heavy smoker, though mainly because the people I hang around with are smoking all the time, and sometimes it's hard to pass up the offer. I think I might be more keen on green if I spaced out my smoking experiences more. This is something I'll try to do. Anyway, on to the trip report.

It was around 4 am, I had just finished up some work and I was hanging out in a lounge with my friend. I suggested we smoke a bowl before going to bed, and he – never one to pass up a chance to smoke – agreed. We went out and smoked, each getting around five hits. The bud was good, though I couldn't tell you anything about its geneology, sativa/indica makeup, etc. It had a good smell, there were many visible crystals, and it was slightly sticky. Not the greatest bud I've ever smoked, really on the low end of good bud, but not schwag either. Anyway, we smoked, and I wasn't feeling ridiculously stoned, which is unusual, because usually the second I'm done smoking I can feel myself descending into the stoned world. We parted our separate ways, he to his room, I to mine. I laid on my bed with the intent to go to sleep to some music, but, to my dismay, my iPod was dead. I wasn't too thrilled with the prospect of being alone in my thoughts until falling asleep, but there weren't many alternatives.

Usually, in a group setting, I panic a little bit, due to all the social pressures, but here I was all alone and I felt free to monitor the activity of my mind. I tried to observe what was going on from a detached viewpoint. The first thing I noticed was how erratic, disorganized and non-linear my thoughts were. I would jump from one subject to another. In explaining things to myself, a strange image would suffice, say a rabbit as a mental explanation and I would move on to the next topic. Recognizing the erratic-ness of my thought process was comforting somewhat, because I was able to realize that the drug was clearly influencing my brain functioning, and this was not necessarily *me*, but more the weed influencing me.

My roomate has a fan in the room, which provides some white noise, and this has always produced strange results for me when I'm stoned. Weeks ago, I had a glowing experience in which, under the influence of weed, I seemed to descend into this subconscious zone of pure energy, and I could vividly hear some of the most mindblowing music ever, synthy, alien, hip hop influenced jams. Strangely enough, throughout the entire duration of this 'aural' journey I was accompanied by one percussive noise. It's a kind of vague tapping sound, with heavy echo applied, that supplements the music and keeps the beat, playing every 3rd beat or so. The music would shift and evolve, but that noise would stay no matter what. Well, this time the beat came back. I think it has something to do with the fan. The oscillating, hypnotic sound of the fan planted seeds in my mind which bloomed into full-on explosions of sound. I heard some very beautiful music, and it was effortless. I just heard it. This is a marked change from when I'm sober. When sober, I'll often hear songs, but they are pre-existing songs. If I hear anything original, it is often very vague and hard to capture. Here, the music couldn't be more vivid. Again, it was kind of psychedelic, synthy instrumental hip hop music.

Well the music was beautiful but eventually I got tired of it. It's kind of like when someone sits you down to play you a song, fully expecting you to be moved beyond measure, and all you say is, 'yeah, that was pretty good.' This was a similar reaction. I got bored with the whole 'mind-blowing, crazy music which will blow your mind thing.' Strangely enough though, the echoey tapping sound remained, there in my head, accompanying my thoughts. It seemed to exist independent of myself. It was just there. I got kind of scared, because I was not expecting mind-independent auditory hallucinations. When I peered into the darkness I saw lots of triangular shapes which vaguely suggested aliens. I got even more afraid that this was some sort of schizophrenic attack or something (as far as I know, I don't have schizophrenia). I had been reading about synesthesia alot recently, and I even entertained the idea that the tapping noise was a synesthetic response to the sound of the fan (a rather stupid idea in retrospect).

A couple minutes later, though, I got distracted and the tapping sound went away. And this really goes to the heart of what I'm trying to say – weed can turn us into complete idiots. We're ready to believe anything, ready to be swept up and taken away by the slightest idea or notion. Thanks to weed, I had myself believing that I was a latent schizophrenic, or that I had some alien form of synesthesia, and this is simply false.

I'm wrapping up, but a couple more things I noticed in monitoring myself while stoned: I experienced another sensation familiar to being stoned – I felt an abundance of nervous energy stored in my body, especially my legs. They felt stiff and uncomfortable, like there was some sort electricity occupying them that was fighting to get out. Also, after lying completely still for a couple minuted, I lost proprioception – I could not sense where my body ended and where my surroundings began (it was also very dark, and I'm sure the lack of visual input contributed to this). I thought my hands were taking up much more space than they were – I clenched them and found they were about half the size of what my touch sensations were indicating. It almost felt as if there was an aura of warmth or energy around my hands that I could sense, but when I moved them or clenched them it went away, and I was reminded of their actual size. I also noticed this with the rest of my body, but most noticeably my hands. A couple minutes later, I fell asleep.

Well, that's about all I have to report. Marijuana is an interesting drug, to be sure, and can lead to some wonderful experiences, but I seriously question the legitimacy of the 'revelations' it supposedly brings to the user.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 82790
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Oct 9, 2021	Views: 1,160
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Cannabis (1) : Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)