DOSE:

30 - 60 mg

oral

2C-I

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

I'm still coming down as I write this. Ok, you guys can yell at me, I do have it coming. I got some 2c-e and pig that I am (and let me add sloppy, unprepared, disrespectful pig) I eyeballed it into a shotglass w/water. I was going for the medium dose of around 15mg. Dosed that at 8:40pm, no effects. Dosed another 'eyeball' of 15mg at 9, then again at 9:50. Boyfriend went to bed (and he does NOT approve of me always being such a psychonaut but he somehow always manages to rescue me) and I decided to go all in. Dosed another large 'eyeball' because the ones from before weren't doing shit. Or so I thought. And then I was gone.

If you're still reading this- do one thing for me: get a scale. Don't 'eyeball' your doses. Please. You owe it to yourself. Long story short, this trip taught me about respect. It was very uncomfortable, I was sure I was dying for the largest portion of it. I was hot and cold, then felt very dirty so I had to shower. That was good, but after I was still very shaky and just couldn't seem to get a handle on what temperature I should be. So I just layed on the couch and watched star trek tng. The episode was about counselor troi temporarily losing her empathic abilities because the ship had passed through something that kind of sucked it out. And I realized that this really spoke to who I am at this point in my life. I have lost respect for myself and my loved ones. This is manifested mostly as me being a major pot-head and letting myself slip back into self-destructive tendencies like emotional overeating, berating myself and just being disconnected from my loved ones in general. But it's not just 'my loved ones': this experience has (once again- I just don't want to forget this time!) shown me that I am all. I am nothing. You are me. We are all the same person, doing the same thing at exactly the same time. None of it matters. But it all matters. These thoughts are just as much from without as within. (side note- the oev's while watching star trek were pretty awesome. But kind of scary. I think I'm still going to be seeing tracers when I get to work tomorrow)

What I am taking away from this experience is this: I need to be respectful. All the time. Period. This means no matter what situation I am in, I need to be humble and let go of the mindset of 'I'm bored, amuse me!!!' in favor of the mindset of 'I will watch and let things unfold as they will. Whatever wants to be revealed will be revealed.' I also need to respect my body, and stop treating it like a bottomless receptacle for infinite amounts of food and (lately) drugs. A human body is small and weak. It really can't withstand as much as we think. It's all mind over matter. Literally. I'm glad I was able to learn this lesson, even at the cost of it. I wouldn't trade it or give it back.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 84398
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Sep 28, 2021	Views: 603
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2C-E (137) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Alone (16)