DOSE:

repeated

Oxycodone

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

I'll never forget the second time I tried Oxycontin. The reason I mention the second time is because my first experience with it was forgettable.

The first time I tried Oxycontin, it was merely out of boredom. I couldn't get ahold of any weed that night, and on my last phone call, a friend told me that they had some Oxycontin if I wanted to try some of that. I agreed to try it, since I had heard a lot about it and wanted to experience it for myself. I got a 20 mg pill for my first time, but I was too scared to snort the whole thing at once, so I just did half of it first. I didn't really feel anything. After about 30 minutes, I did the other half. This time there was a slight hint of euphoria, but it was only mild, then I felt nauseous until it wore off altogether. I decided I didn't much care for Oxycontin and I didn't know what all the hype was about.

A few days later, I ended up in the same situation once more. I was with some friends and we went to the friend's house who had the Oxycontin. They were actually prescribed to his mom, but she gave them to him. He gave me another one when I mentioned having a migraine. At this time I was oblivious to the fact that Oxycodone was an opiate. I asked, 'Do you think this will help my headache?' And he just started laughing in disbelief. I took that as a 'yes'. We got in the car. I was sitting in the passenger seat carefully preparing the pill for insufflation. This time I decided I would try the whole thing since I really wanted the headache to go away. After doing the whole thing, almost immediately I felt an amazing feeling of euphoria envelop me, like a warm, gentle waterfall of peace, well-being, and tranquility. I transcended the boundaries of the happiness that I once knew. The headache was forgotten almost immediately since it was gone within minutes. It lasted all day. By the end of the day, I was at home trying to play on the computer but I kept nodding off and falling out of the chair. I would wake up, get back into the chair, try to keep doing what I was doing, then I would fall back asleep and repeat the same process. This happened about 3 times, then I finally gave up and slept on the couch.

I had found the one for me. Oxy. I didn't really want anything else after that. I knew I was hooked, and now I understood why people loved this pill. I still didn't take it enough to experience withdrawals whenever I stopped using it, though. Soon after, my friend that had supplied them passed away. He was hit by a car walking to work. Needless to say, I had no other way to get Oxy. Of course at the time that was the last thing on my mind. I grieved deeply over the loss of such a close and long time friend. Eventually, I thought about the Oxycontin less and less, but any time someone would bring it up, my eyes would just light up and we would reminisce together about how wonderful the experience was. I didn't seek it out anymore, but I would always love it. I hadn't truly been addicted since I never had the withdrawals from using. That soon changed.

One day, I was talking with a friend, about how my back had been hurting lately, and we got onto the subject of his mom's back problems. He told me that his mom was going to flush the pain medication she was prescribed to, because they made her sick and she didn't want them. Out of mere curiosity, I asked him what she was on. He said 60 mg Oxycontin. My jaw dropped. I told him that I could find plenty of people who would pay for those pills, and he generously gave me about 10 of them. For a couple days, I was not really tempted to take any of them. Eventually, my back pain got to the point where I just didn't care and I cut one of the Oxycontins in half, crushed it up, and snorted it. A few minutes later, I felt excellent. I went for an invigorating walk around the block and felt refreshed and happy. I relished the old familiar taste of the Oxycontin. It's so bitter, but I learned to love the taste. It goes downhill from here.

I planned on selling those pills, but that definitely didn't happen. I sold two of them. The rest, I hoarded to myself. The other people I sold them to wouldn't stop pestering me for more. They had never tried them before and I felt bad for introducing them to it. They, too, had fallen in love with it. I quit answering their calls because it was getting annoying. I binged like crazy on the Oxycontin, and I loved it.

Inevitably, I ran out of it after a couple weeks. By this point, I was definitely addicted. I figured I would just ride out the withdrawals, but I really didn't know what to expect. I was sadly mistaken when I underestimated their severity. I laid on the couch the entire next day, clutching my pillow and blanket close, with my fan pointed at me. I was alternating between extreme sweat-inducing hot flashes and chills and goosebumps that were almost painful. I had absolutely no energy. I was sneezing, coughing, and my legs hurt so bad. My head felt like it was full of hot sand. I was hoping that would be the worst of it, but I was still wrong. They got even worse by that evening. My boyfriend was over, keeping me company. I told him what I was going through and he was being very supportive, even though he had never even tried it before. By the end of the night, I had to lay down in my room in the dark. Even talking took too much energy.

I slowly emerged from the haze of the addiction, only to relapse multiple times and spiral back down into the same pattern with other opiates. I would do anything I could get ahold of - hydrocodone, morphine, you name it - as long as I could hold off the withdrawals for just one more day. As long as I could function and feel like a normal person for just one more day. Eventually I forgot that before I had ever gotten addicted to the opiates, I had functioned like a normal person. It didn't take pills for me to feel that way in the past. I didn't even get high anymore whenever I took opiates. I had to take them just to feel like I did before I had a problem.

I have learned my lesson, but I am still fighting with this problem every day. I never thought that I could become addicted to a drug. I have tried many, many different drugs and medications, but I never became dependent on anything else. It just doesn't matter who you are. I am putting forth my best effort now. I have dreams about doing opiates almost every night and it is torturous. I find myself grieving over them being gone from my life almost like I would grieve whenever I lose a best friend. However, that just motivates me even more to cut this problem out of my life.

I know that most people on this website are like me, and prefer to experience things firsthand and draw their own conclusions. If anything could be gained from reading this story, I just hope it can help some people who may be going through what I'm going through right now to not feel so alone, or change someone's mind in the future if they ever have the chance to experience Oxycodone. I hate having a pill 1,000 times smaller than me controlling my every thought, emotion, and motivation. It was fun, while it lasted.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 85149
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jul 14, 2010	Views: 16,896
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Oxycodone (176) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)