DOSE:

Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT:

154 lb

I think I finally understand what the Hindu's meant by the motion of non-motion. About a year and a half ago, I was able to silence my mind with the help of some super strong Ketamine, intuitive yoga and rhythmic breathing, to a level I had never before. Along with deep breathing, the stillness of a very erect lotus posture and a few bumps, I began to feel my awareness of time not only slow down but transform entirely. At first a strobing numbness began to rise up my legs and also on the tip of my nose. It felt as if this strobing numbness also had a sort of slow orbit in my nasal cavities. I held on to a hand posture (Muhdra) that I'd been utilizing as a single thought force to focus, and I experienced something I like to call the motion of non-motion. The numbness spread over my body entirely and then after sticking with the numbness a little longer and not moving, I began to breath in and out deeper & I began to feel as if I started to float away from my body, accelerate & flow past the numbness as if it were a veil, and traveled unto a new space 'behind the scenes' of the gallery that I curated and had gone into during late/closed AM hours.

Seconds after the wave-like sense of moving through an unseen world, my 'consciousness form' began to contort into different shapes. At one point I felt as if I were exploring and feeling different non-local or parallel spaces. My body no longer felt like a body. Instead, out of the stillness, I felt as if I were a wave of motion, hovering over unseen worlds. My mind can see them only through the understanding of the feeling which was more real than riding a train or a bike in the real world. I felt shapes and saw them through the sense of touch in a similar way that if you had your eyes closed, and someone came up from behind you and rubbed a cloth on your neck, your mind would jump to a visualization.

At this point I lay down and my hands in the muhdra posture melded together & felt as if they had molded into these bubble arm-sized domes that had inter crossed themselves into opposite triangular polarities causing a new gravity to push my posture spherically towards my middle space and improving the endurance of the stillness with pressure. It was as if, finally, after all the chaos of living, my inner separate forces were finally a coalition force in harmony on my side, pushing all the gravities around me into a pressure that contained my posture. The pressure became so great that I almost felt like my body could literally implode or fly apart in opposite directions if the forces pushed harder. This then began to feel to me as an exploration of different forms/sensual shapeshifting & eventually the experience transformed further onto a set of orgasmic raptures that came as a touch-sense/visual vivid thought based on feelings (rather than projected hallucination). I hovered a three tentacle wave over a field of impossible objects. I felt the objects as I moved over them like a gas. The objects in this invisible scape felt like shape-shifting platonic solids and crystals made out of particles of solid static. I felt as if I were also flying as or with other personality enities that dwelled within my wave body.

A little after this I began to also have a more psychedelic & vivid experience to go with the whole motion of my stillness, aside from that which was triggered from what I could feel. My inner motion was transcended further which I think worked because I had stuck with the stillness of my physical body.

I then hovered to a stop and began to visualize my anatomy again. Above me, stars and constellations appeared, as I floated with my back lying vertically and my legs crossed and hands forming my muhdra still. Ahead of me, I the stars that I was seeing (eyes closed the whole time), became a sort of 'cosmic ceiling' which began to stretch over me like a dark indigo blue, expanding latex sky with glittering stars. I began to float towards it and as this happened, I felt the presence of many beings cheering all over 'The Universe of the Unseen'. I can feel and kind of hear them, cheering as I levitate up towards the ceiling, with a horizontal body pose from laying down. I slowly but quickly rise to the cosmic ceiling until it drapes over me, entirely, like a new skin. At that point I felt in a way best described as ... 'FUCKING AWESOME!'

Not only did it feel orgasmic in a multitude of abstract ways but I had also the sense of being Deified & also the only god to have ever done that, in that way. I felt the awesome power, and duty to be a sort of Eden Creator and Protector of the universe. I felt the awesome awakening, and responsibility to guard the gates of the living and even thought to myself,.. 'I can't trust any other god or be dependent on any other force except my own. I felt the need and call of duty to build a new paradise and the protection of it so.'

This was The self-centered situation of my experience, however it came quite impersonally in the sense that it had nothing to do at the time with my average self. Eventually the posture's sense on the body got so numb and shapeshifted, that I felt as if my intercrossed arms and legs had molded themselves into a twistable pressure that was so different to describe, that if I were to start to describe it I'd sit here typing to myself for hours or possibly days, trying to figure it out exactly how it happened exactly. But the orgasmic feeling that one gets when one ejaculates did occur on my legs and arms and any other part that contorted or abstracted from the pose.

After a short while, I felt as if maybe I had been surfing in the orgasmic waves of the numbness for too long and could of been cutting blood circulation in my body. I felt as if the forces within and around me tried to keep me in the stillness of my anatomical pose. But I broke out of it with a slight fear of possible bodily damage and began to come out of the experience slowly.

I consider my descriptions to be flawed by language but close enough to describe at least some of my more cherished of those experiential moments. And the experience, though it was rich enough to fulfill my soul for many life times, definitely ended with my physical bodily reminder that I had been numb for too long lying on a cold ground and had to come out of it for my own physical safety. After all the gallery was freezing and it was a cold January night.

I left the gallery at almost 6 AM, with a higher sense of cosmic confidence, as if some other past hidden fragmentation of my self had been re-united into a higher internal strength and deification. This feeling even lingered on a social level for a few weeks after.

I really think that I explored the motion of non-motion that night. The motion of non-motion was real to me. At least perceptually. I definitely wanted to explore these techniques further in the future but the next time I attempted to do so, Ketamine took me for a totally different and not so amusing ride.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 85663
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Mar 23, 2011	Views: 13,501
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