DOSE:

6 - 7 bowls

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT:

12.5 st

I entered the experience with the desire to focus for the coming job interview, to boost my confidence, calm nerves and raise my strength. It had been a good day of packing especially the long walk in nature with my family. I went through my usual ritual of burning incense, speaking my intentions aloud and thanking the plant for the visions and guidance she would bestow upon me.

I had fewer nerves, and more resolve than ever before. A healthy quake of anticipation sent tremors through me, which I always see as a sign of respect for the plant, and I knew I would be alright, because this was a bloody good reason to do Salvia. More than ever there was less a sense of recreation, more a sense of purpose and control.

As soon as I slipped in I remembered how the transitions occur, and that it’s all about how much you can submerge yourself in. I realised that using only 10x at times didn’t get me quite as deeply in. I really like having at least one 20x dose during a session, and having previously run out, ordered some the next day.

When entering into the realm I wasn’t so much egged on by Salvia (which often happens) as observed with interest by the plant as I pushed myself towards the experience. Slipping back into that frame of mind I recalled how I work with the plant, playing with the levels of Salvinorum A in my system to reach what feels like an optimal level to reach in, fiddle and play with reflection like clay.

I had anticipations, due to how other Salvia experiences have played out, I felt like I was going to find that I was really someone else. So often have I found myself coming back out of a Salvia trance, seemingly from another life to “ordinary” reality with the notion that my everyday identity is just a game I play.

However, within a room, remarkably like an interview room (I had the feeling of people sat near me around a desk but they were on the periphery), I found myself bathed in light, like a glowing diffused spotlight. I was told I was me and that that was a very good person to be. Salvia focussed me on who I am and the light was not just upon me but emanating from within me. I felt such strength and confidence.

A slightly unpleasant moment had me not quite entering a realm. I was stuck in-between, I can’t recall much detail only that I was neither here nor there, but even though I had forgotten who I was I knew just to let it all settle down, to let it happen, to get out of the way . This of course is completely relatable to mental turmoil I’ve been in for that last nine months during an extended period of unemployment.

After another, larger dose I went into what was the peak of the whole experience. Oddly it started in such a banal way. A bus stop with queues of people and the notion that a cockney school boy was saying “Cor blimey, look he’s doing it”. My mind reacted with a strange thought: that he wasn’t so much expressing that I’d get caught for doing something naughty more that I was daring to “go there”.

The notion of another life, an existence outside of my everyday awareness occurred this time. It was as if I was returning to a life beyond this one. There were a lot of people milling around but it was coming, quite literally, face to face with Salvia herself which threw this vignette into the realms of the remarkable (even for a Salvia smoker’s standards).

At the peak all I could see was her beautiful face. She was staring into me and I into her till both eyes became one form of perception. Lyrics from the Shpongle track playing on my headphones kicked in, “I am you and you are me, I will always be with you”. This rich intimacy, beyond belief, brought love, self love, love of life, love for my wife, love for my son, love of Salvia, love of love of love, through my very spirit. I knew I could be free from fear if I could keep the image of her face in mind.

My mind jovially translated this union with a sense of romanticism. I related to Salvia, with a flip of the cliché, that we “must keep meeting like this”. There was a chorus of thoughts from characters populating a sort of mental, telepathetic meeting place, as if there was chattering about a romantic relationship between Salvia and myself. There was a sheer delight to all this, whilst a sense of silliness pervaded, undercutting the idea with a understanding that it was a rough comparison which only hinted at what had been an intensely spiritual experience

After another inhalation I brought back the idea of how I seemed to be feeling the imagery. Causing slight reactions in what I could perceive through focussing felt physical in some respects. I seemed to be grasping a basic level of manipulation. With this came a sense that I was mistaken in thinking that I’m one of these human beings and that I’m really “one of them”, whoever “they” are!

In reference to this in the notes I typed towards the end of the experience I stated: “With the correct attention, this is a tool of great power. The mind can be controlled and is often in the way of the spirit, which can cast aside trivial baggage”. I also wrote “solid thoughts – can be moved around, you need to focus when in that state of mind – but also let go”.

I was at one point hovering above a group gathered round a camp fire in what I thought of as “a blessed place” in a forest. A ceremony of some kind was taking place. Frustrated that I seemed to be on the periphery of this, as I felt the scene slipping away I pushed in further with my mind, to what I can’t recall.

Stronger doses brought on confusions of chronology. I had again the feeling of things having just happened, but only wisps of memory. I had been somewhere else completely where I had forgotten about this life but not completely. I was being teased that I could only do an imitation of “theorganicdomino”, who in this realm was perceived as someone very famous and special. As I came back to ordinary reality, my memory returned, I realised the truth of this message. Not in a vain way, more an appreciation of who I am, a positive self reflection.

Salviaworld at times appears populated with people who I always refer to as “The Leaves”. As though they are aspects of Salvia, but as they are further out from her central persona they have a greater diversity of personality. I also think of them as aspects of me, or maybe a combination of Salvia and myself. They are a cast of characters, whose relationship with me is both close and distant, the intimacy is in how they know me, but there is a, not creepy, but THINGUMMY feeling I have about them. I simply can’t describe it, only that it’s positive.

Coming out of a final Salvia reverie, normal reality seemed pinched again, ever so slightly squashed and cartoonish. I caught myself thinking that things hadn’t been as intense as usual, then I realised I have been “elsewhere” for sometime, things had happened that slipped my mind.

I knew with certainty when I had come to the end of the session I felt I had conducted myself correctly and gained what I needed – with respect for the plant and from the plant. It was time to make it over to the computer to type up something.

Once at the computer I started with my freeform “commission”. There was half a sense of channelling Salvia and half a sense of it being an outpouring of emotion, with an initial section of nonsense giving way to a baring my thoughts. I knew to move over and write, to get out of the way and type. I had a message to get on paper. In the very act of writing I felt Salvia pushing me, drawing out messages to myself, I didn’t even have to think, it all flowed out of my hands and onto the screen.

Eventually the coiling of Salvia’s assistance round my fingers ran out as the final outstretched thoughts diminished from her overt influence and the words became my own.

All told the whole experience took place over the course of an hour, perceptually feeling both longer and shorter. I listened to most of the “Ineffable Mysteries From Shpongleland” throughout.

This time, there was a determination in me which I felt the leaves stood back from. I felt a few worries trying to hold me back, but I pushed on through and took no heed of them. I remember a quote from McKenna about how “Nature rewards courage” which resonates strongly with how I feel about this experience.

I did well in the interview, keeping Salvia’s face in mind and carrying some dried Salvia in my pocket helped me maintain calm focus and confidence.

I didn’t get the job! I was sort of relieved as there were aspects about the role that I wasn’t 100% keen on, but still it was a bit of a blow. However they said they’d been very impressed with me and asked if I’d be interested in another contract position they were just drawing up, I said I’d definitely have a look at the job description.

Another however…

In the mean time, while I waited for that response I had been sent another role to apply to by the same recruitment agency. I saw completing the application as a good distraction and did an admirable job even though I wasn’t quite so focussed. By the end of that week I was called in for interview the next day. It was the shortest time to prepare for an interview I’ve ever had, but I aced it, especially as I built up such a good rapport with the interviewers – it became more of a conversation than a question and answer session.

Two hours after the interview they called me to offer me the job!

So after nine months of being unemployed after taking voluntary redundancy from a high profile media job I’d had and hated for eight and half years, three months of voluntary work, 350 job applications and six interviews I have finally got a new job. It’s exactly what I’d been looking for: good salary, working for a charity, a stable job which I don’t have to worry about outside office hours, I don’t have to wear a suit and the people who work there seem lovely.

It was how neatly everything seemed to fall together within the space of a week which made me feel that the right elements were in the air. I’ve saved the most significant for last. The day before the last interview my wife had a meeting with a heart specialist, this meeting had been a long time coming since she had been diagnosed with an enlarged heart before Christmas. It turns out that she doesn’t have an enlarged heart at all and that the doctor who had referred her didn’t know a fucking thing about reading x-rays or the various scans she had been put through. Turns out she probably has a very mild case of asthma, which would explain her occasional shortness of breath.

Although this was a mixed blessing, we wished we hadn’t spent five months worrying about her health, the news was somewhat timely.

Now my only problem is going back to work after having spent nine months really (re)connecting with my wife and loving being with my son all day, every day. It’s going to be tough, but I know I’m on the right path, I’ve used my time away from work to really tackle some issues which had been plaguing me for some time.

Nine months, hmm seems a very apt period of time.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 85785
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: May 25, 2020	Views: 1,108
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Entities / Beings (37), Performance Enhancement (50), General (1), Alone (16)