DOSE:

1 tablet

oral

MDMA

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

260 lb

A friend of mine told me long ago that I should never take E because of my weird body chemistry: he said that with my heightened output of endorphins the comedown would crush me irrevocably and I'd kill myself.

But a couple weeks ago I was at another friend's house. It was this rancher somewhere in suburbia but he had a thoroughly pagan and beautiful back yard with cedars - so beautiful. Anyway, he asked if I got chemically-enhanced and I said, 'Yeah!' He informed me that a bunch of Ecstasy had just arrived and go track that guy with the big earring down.

The guy supplied me with a tab but owing to my size - he was careful to say that he did not mean it as a cap - I might need two. I said I only had enough money for one, give me the one and let's see where it goes from there. He gave me the warnings - drink tons of water, and everyone here will give you lots and lots of love and hugs.

Now, a few years ago, I was still dealing with some trash life had led me into/thrown at me and as a result I was still quite angry. The years have mellowed and centred me a good deal and I was pretty sure I could take it in stride.

I took the tab and went into a laser/fog tunnel another person at the party had set up, and the experience of that gave me a giddy uplift but pretty much after I exited I forgot almost completely about it.

Then two or three hours later - bingo! My head's whirling, I'm a little queasy, I'm yawning like crazy. The sitting room had a nice big overstuffed leather chair so I snuggled down into that. Periodically throughout the break my host and supplier would come over and say, 'Howya doin', darlin'?' and follow up with a hug or rub or little kiss. The smooth softness of the leather felt good, but I was still sleepy/queasy, so I laid down across the arms. I dozed a bit and when next I opened my eyes a bunch of other people who'd dosed too were over by the fireplace, hugging. The guy had been neck-rubbing the chick but they wound up in a spoon-hug, just that.

He leaned down over her shoulder and hugged her and she leaned back and laid her head on his shoulder. Something told me that the queasiness would stop if I only made contact with other people, so I went over to join them. 'Cuddle Puddle!' we all crowed and I was transported with happiness to find a group of people who so openly accepted me! The guy laid on his back and I laid my head and paw over his belly and the chick spooned me. They both started stroking my hair and I tickled his muttonchops and nuzzled his breastbone.

He asked me my name and I told him. Normally my totem tells me not to tell people my name but I told him. He loved it and smiled and started crooning about wolf fur and how the long silky guard hairs are pretty but the wooly undercoat keeps the wolf so warm. I asked which tribe he was from and he said he was a Child ov Gaia Ahroun. I told him I was a Metis Theurge and we decided to form a pack together. We all of us in the cuddle-puddle decided to form a pack and we started snugging and playing and nuzzling together.

I think we stayed like that for an hour or more but it was a nice, eternal glowing hour. There was a clock right up above me so I could watch the time pass but it felt as if the time hadn't passed, it was just another number. The nice thing about E is that I was just happy in the Now, everything was cool and my face was sore from the biggiest, sappiest grin I've ever had in my life. I had to pee like a racehorse and did whenever I drank water - we all were Playa-veterans so whenever someone said 'Hydrate' we all broke off, sat up and drank. I thought it was entirely amusing that that night, I was only borrowing water :)

Our supplier made it pretty clear to everyone that we were all tripping on E and to give us lots and lots of love. He would periodically drop down into the group and dispense hugs, snuggles, kisses and endearments. We thought it was funny that a wolfpack would be forged in Ecstasy but I reminded everyone that 'All acts of beauty and pleasure are Mine, sayeth the Goddess.' The neat thing was, I knew I was on E and knew the warnings: inappropriate bondings, et alia, but I'm emotionally mature and spiritually experienced enough to have the capacity of Agape: love without strings. Even if I never see my packmates again, even if they deny it, even if our elders reprove us we'll always have those lovely two hours in front of the fire.

The experience was vivid and lucid enough that I can pretty easily call up the feelings again any time I want. They help me get through the rough spots and the experience has evened out my mood swings a good deal, so in general I'm a more up and easy person to be around. I'd almost say that E was actually therapeutic and like I said, I'm mature enough to accept the experience purely at face value. I only wish I'd done it sooner! :)

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 886
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 10, 2000	Views: 8,496
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MDMA (3) : Large Group (10+) (19), First Times (2)