DOSE:

IV

Heroin

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

3 Years ago I was nineteen and fresh out of high school. I grew up in Manassas, VA, and never moved. Naturally I know everyone in this freaking town, and from a very young age I knew I was going to be able to get whatever I wanted here. I had been selling weed for a few years, hadnt ever gotten caught, was driving a BMW, and loving life. I had never done an opiate before, because many of my family members had heroin and other opiate addictions in the past. I experimented with every other drug besides crack and meth, but never was addicted to any one substance. You could consider me an addict at this time, but not any one substance, maybe just... Addicted to being fucked up.

My luck ran out. One night I was caught driving kinda drunk and was searched. [Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!] I had an ounce and a half of bud in my car, which I didn't even realize was in the car. I was booked for felony possession with intent to distribute marijuana, and DUI. Luckily with a good lawyer I got it reduced to a misdameanor, had to attend VASAP here in northern virginia until completion, and lost my license for a year.

Before this time I had smoked weed all day every day for probably 4 years and was semi-dependent. Of course there were no withdrawals looking back, but at the time, it was severely annoying not being able to smoke (I was drug tested in ASAP).

At some point early on in the probation I decided to try a percocet one night, as someone told me it was a depressant like weed, but was a BETTER feeling, and only would be in my urine for a few days. This was great news. Throughout that year I recreationally used Percocet 10mg and Methadone 10mg a few times a day some days, and none other days. At this point I was not dependent on the opiates, and had never been 'dope-sick'. People told me about it but I always thought 'That will never happen to me'

I finished probation and could smoke weed again, but that didnt mean I was going to stop doing the pills. I had graduated to using Roxycet 30mg, or Oxycontin 40mg, or a half of an OC 80. Shortly after using these much higher doses, I learned one could smoke the pills and recieve a quick 'rush'. I tried this and only liked it with Oxycontin. People smoke Roxys but I always thought they tasted nasty. One night I bought an Oxycontin 80mg for $50.00, about fifteen min from my home. I had never done an entire 80mg oxy at once. I don't know why I decided to snort almost all of it an once, but I did. I probably snorted 60mg and immediately smoked the other 20mg. I sat there on the couch and was in heaven. I felt no pain and it was as if all of the pain and problems in my life were gone. Thats how it was every time I did an opiate. It was like I could leave my life and enter a new life. In this life I was on cloud nine, floating everywhere I walked, and dreaming the most beautiful dreams one can imagine. This is not a common effect from opiates but it is one I have always experienced.

The next day I was broke and decided I was just gonna 'smoke pot today, I dont need a pill to be happy' I was fine until about 6 or 7 pm, whenever the sun went down. This was the first time I would experience withdrawal.

The first thing to happen was the skin crawls. It's the feeling when I walk into a freezer, and all of my hairs stand on end, except it happens every 5 minutes, then every 2 minutes, then it seems to continuously wave over my body. My legs felt like they were going to run away from me, but I couldnt get rid of them. It was like there was pent up energy inside them. I began to sweat, but I was cold, or I was hot, but had the goosebumps. The inability to be comfortable in any temperature is the worst part of withdrawal. Aside from this I had no other negative withdrawal symptoms.... Yet. I didn't get sick to my stomach, I didn't have diarrhea, and I slept fine, once I fell asleep, though I will admit the leg spasms make it hard to sleep. I had a fine appetite as well.

I remember at some point looking in the mirror and wondering 'How did I get here?' But I knew. I remember thinking that this was probably the worst thing I could be spending my free time on, but I didnt care, I loved the feeling. I loved the escape.

At this point I hated heroin. I had tried it once or twice but each time it was terrible. See in Manassas, which is 45 min outside of Washington DC, any dope that makes its way into Manassas gets cut to shit, and I could of spent 100 bucks and not gotten high. To me it was like 'Why buy something that anyone can cut and I cant tell until after I buy it? When I can buy an 0xy 80 and get super high?' It didnt make sense to me why people would do heroin because at this time I was still getting 80s for a decent price.

I dont make a lot of money so I would take my whole paycheck and buy 10 oxycontin 80mg pills, I would sell 8 or 9 of them and do the other 1 or 2. I did this every day for a while. However I would never go more than 2 weeks. Once 2 weeks hit it was time for a break. I would buy 3 or 4 suboxone and get clean for a few days. Once I learned this trick I found a way to almost never be sick.

Well this lasted for a while until the FDA decided to ruin oxycontin for everyone. I got the news a few months ago that 80s would be changing, and would never be the same. The new pills were terrible. You couldnt smoke them or even crush them up to snort them. Who wants to just pop a pill and wait? I want to do my drugs in a fun way, popping them is just boring.

A few months before the change in formula and price I decided to try shooting a Dilaudid 8mg. I never had a fear of needles and a lot of people told me it was a great rush. Well they were right. For one winter I was doing nothing but shooting dilaudids, shoveling driveways and doing oxycontin.

This sudden change in the formula caused a spike in the price of the original formula OC 80s. I can still get the originals because they are shipped in from places, and pharmacies still have massive quanitities left over, but it is much harder. Right now in Manassas VA Oxycontin 80mg pills are frequently sold on the street for $90.00-$100.00.

Well finding a bunch of people that can shell out that kind of cash for a fix is not easy. And there is no room to make any money any more. I can't buy 10 pills for nine hundred dollars and make my money back by any means.

Fuck... What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Ta-da...Heroin. One of my good friends had just started shooting heroin with his girlfriend, who had a connect in DC. At first I was against it, but one night I decided to go with her to the city. It was so surreal, driving into the Capital of the United States, surrounded by huge buildings and thousands of people, all contributing to society and doing well, while I am there to purchase Heroin. I bought a half gram for 80 bucks. We drove 10 minutes out of the city to Arlington, VA, where I attend college. I know some good spots so we picked one and set ourselves up.

What was about to happen I could never have predicted. The dope was sand colored tan, was a mixture of soft rocks and powder. It smelled like straight vinegar and I was warned of its potency. 'Don't do too much of this stuff I mean it, it'll kill you' Said our dealer. Well I was smart and just did a tiny pinch. That pinch, that I probably paid 5 or 10 bucks for, got me as high as an 80mg oxycontin. This was largely in part to my huge tolerance to OCs and my never using Heroin. They are both opiates but they are different drugs.

For the past 4 or 5 months I have gone to the city every day, buying a gram or two, doing almost all of it, and selling the teeny scraps left for top dollar to people in Manassas. Its remarkable how small a $50.00 bag of dope is in Manassas, compared to in DC. People didn't care because it was cheaper than buying pills and they got more high, even with the small amount they got.

About a week ago we got pulled over in SouthEast DC at a roadblock. I hid my dope in my asscrack. They found needles in the car and charged me with them, even though I have no idea whos they were. They had no reason to pull us over, they were just profiling, and when they asked to search I refused, but they searched anyway.

One of my friends called my parents and told them of my drug use. I want to say 'Thank You' to whichever of my friends this was. It has only been 4 days, and I'm still doing suboxone, but my quality of life has improved. I am confident in my ability to quit on the spot any day, but I always seem to go back. I am going to the doctor tomorrow in hopes of getting prescribed suboxone, which will block other opiates effects, so I won't have the urge to use. Hopefully things will improve.

One thought that has always bounced around in my mind after shooting dope is this. If I were told I was going to die today, but I could choose how I would die, what would I choose. I would rather die from overdose, feeling probably the best I have ever felt, slowly slipping into nothingness, than any other painful way to die. Is that weird? Seems logical to me.

[Age at time of experience: 19 to 22]

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 88603
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Dec 30, 2016	Views: 3,159
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Heroin (27) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)