DOSE:

1 hit

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

195 lb

My Salvia Experience In Detail

After my divorce from 25+ years of marriage, I was depressed and didn't care about anything. I came home to find my grown son and his friends discussing salvia. They'd seen people freaking out on youtube after smoking it. One of his friends said, 'I don't believe it. They're acting it up.' He wagered $50 that he would not freak out. My son asked me if it was okay if they smoked it at my house. I said that that was okay, but I had to be present. I had no intention of smoking it myself, but was actually curious to see what salvia was all about. I did some internet reading on how to properly smoke salvia. We went to a local head shop and purchased a 40x extract, a small plastic bong, and a torch lighter.

I could see right away that they didn't know how to inhale correctly. They'd never even smoked pot before. I grew impatient and said, 'Here, give me the bong. I'll show you how this is done.' I hadn't smoked anything for 25 years, but you never forget how to ride the bong-bicycle, right? So, since these amateurs weren't messed up or falling all over the place or laughing with their 5 second inhales/exhales of 10x salvia, I figured, it's overrated, right?

I loaded up a huge bowl, fired it up with the torch lighter, downed it all and held it for 30 seconds. I exhaled. Stood up from the kitchen table, walked across the room to sit down on the couch. My son's friend commented on how I 'smoked that like a pro'. I said, 'Yeah, I cached that baby...' and turned around to sit down on the sofa.

My face started feeling a little warm, I felt a light buzz, thought to myself, 'Well, this is weak and overrated'...and then... *BOOM*... I was gone. In the time it took me to go from standing up to sitting down on the couch, my mind switched completely off. And back on. I found myself slowly waking up from a deep sound sleep. I wasn't even aware that I'd been awake or smoking salvia. It felt like a Saturday morning, when you're a little kid, waking up with no school. Yeah, that kind of sleepy. I opened my eyes to say, 'What's...going...on...?'...and I could feel everything, myself included, tipping over, getting pulled sideways and down. The world was stretching diagonally. I very vaguely started remembering smoking salvia and this 'Oh HELL no!!!' terrified feeling inside of me. It felt like I was being overcome by very HARD, very HEAVY drugs. BAD DRUGS from some sort of cheesy 1960s movie. The kind that kill people. It terrified me. I felt anxious; I was dying and no one, not even a hospital, would know how to save me.

Then I became aware of a swirling black vortex directly behind the right side of my head. It was a portal to an evil alien universe. I didn't directly see it but I could FEEL it. Strange beings aware of me and pulling me in. I was mumbling, 'This is WEIRD. This is WEIRD.'...over and over...

I spread out on the couch. I became hyper-aware of my mouth, which was being distorted into a perfect circle. My tongue was rubbing across my circular teeth. I was going, 'Laaallahh AHH alahah!' and panicking, worried that my throat would get twisted and I'd choke and suffocate. I had just become a grandpa that year, and my grandson liked to stick his tongue out. My face was shrinking. My mouth was being turned into a tiny round babies mouth. And then the force started pulling on the back of my neck.
I was terrified. My mind was being shut off again. I felt myself being physically flattened, like a sheet of cardboard construction paper. And rolled up. It started with my mouth, and now my whole body, my whole essence was being rolled up and pulled into that black vortex. I don't remember what happened next.

My son and his friends said I fell off the couch and started rolling on the floor, then trying to walk with my head on the ground and my body spinning around the whole time. I don't remember any of it.

I came back in a strange state of mind, pure terror. My son and his friends were staring at me. My son said, 'Don't tease him...this is real, he's freaking out.' And I NEEDED reality. I needed out of this strange void. I NEEDED to get back to reality. ANYTHING REAL. My wife was now my ex-wife. I felt alone and cast into a void, unable to stop from being overwhelmed. I needed someone to help me. I looked at my son. I said, 'I need to hold you.' There was nothing perverse going on. I just needed to hold onto my reality, because the salvia world was trying to pull me back in. Whatever I saw in that horrible place terrified me, and I didn't want to go back in. I held onto my son for a minute. Hugged him. Then felt foolish, acting that way in front of his friends and him. I apologized. He said, 'It's okay, Dad. Everything's cool. You'll be okay.'

When I was in my teens and early 20's, I never did well with classic psychedelics. I'd talked before with my son about my freak outs on heroic doses of acid and mushrooms, so he understood how to help me. Salvia is NOTHING like LSD or psilocybin... or anything else for that matter. And it was more powerful.

After gathering my senses, I suddenly jumped up. I had an oxygen machine and CPAP in my bedroom for sleep apnea. Maybe if I breathed some pure oxygen, it would get me out of this horrible salvia place, right? I suddenly jumped up and ran down the hall to my room. My son and friends said I sprinted...and they were shocked, since they didn't think anyone could even walk on the stuff.

I couldn't figure out what to do when I got in my room, because the salvia took me over again. I ran in the bathroom and splashed water in my face. Looked in the bathroom mirror. Talked to myself. Told me, 'You'll be okay, hang in there, big guy'.
I went back to the sofa and sat down. At least, I THINK I sat down... I couldn't tell. My head suddenly became my entire body. Like a balloon. My body was the string. I was floating there. This wasn't bad. I was calming down. I wanted the salvia to end, but my anxiety was finally easing up.

Suddenly, I was back. I was relieved. But then, it hit me hard again. I was confused. Didn't know where I was. Suddenly remembered. Asked, 'How long has it beeeeen???' The kids said, 'About 10 minutes. You're going to be okay.' I felt embarrassed. To behave like this. At MY age. I was trapped in the salvia feeling for another eternity, it seemed like, and then it lifted again. Then came back. It repeated this pattern about 4 or 5 times. And suddenly, I was back. I was relieved. I felt hot. I was sweating profusely. I apologized. They forgave me. They looked worried. I said, 'I'm fine. I really am.' I sat back as a final light, gentle wave of salvia...this time, gentle and kind, swept over me.

I looked at the clock. 12 minutes. TWELVE minutes and all this occurred. It felt like FOREVER. I thought I'd been high for 5 hours or more.

I looked back at my son. I thought about my ex-wife, all the anger I had toward her leaving me. I suddenly accepted that she found me flawed. Hell, I could see my flaws. And I accepted them. I realized that maybe I was clinging to the past, and I needed to move forward. The salvia eased off. I was still in a bit of an afterglow, which lasted for about 30 minutes more. I meditated and vowed to be a better person.

I waited several days before trying salvia again, this time with much more respect. I loaded a very small bowl, took a cautious hit...and BOOM, that horrible anxiety and the terror enveloped me again. I didn't trip completely out or experience amnesia, or go into another universe, but I thought, 'Why oh WHY did I do THIS to myself again?' I knew it would wear off soon, but it felt like an eternity. I was so anxious that I suddenly jumped up and ran in the bathroom again, splashing water in my face, scaring my son and his friends. This time, I caught myself and stopped. I walked back to the couch and sat down. I was determined to control it. I told them. 'I'm okay. I don't like this, but I'm fine. Just give me a minute.' After another 5 minutes, it wore off. I again meditated for a half hour in the afterglow. That part was fulfilling and cleansing. It made me appreciate how much I have in life. All the little things too.

I've never touched salvia since and I never will. I respect it. I know it would overpower, terrify, and control me, without a doubt. I'm sure it has useful properties for someone else now, but not for me. Salvia has served her purpose for me and we are done now.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 96229
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 47
Published: May 12, 2019	Views: 4,207
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Salvia divinorum (44) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Families (41), Small Group (2-9) (17)