DOSE:

13 - 14 in

oral

Cacti - T. pachanoi

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

Mescaline on the Bus

This was my first psychedelic experience ever. I had never used any illegal substances before, not even marijuana. I had never even been drunk before. Somehow I decided it would be a good idea to go on a bus to the beach, by myself, and take mescaline. I started writing about my experience at the end of the night while I was still tripping, which allowed me to document it so accurately. I still vividly remember it today, over a year later.

Saturday: prepared San Pedro juice – took 13-14” of cactus, carefully peeled clear outer skin, scraping any last bits of green off the skins; removed core; placed half of all cut pieces of cactus flesh in blender with some water and lemon juice, repeated with other half; poured everything into a large water bottle and one smaller one; placed in refrigerator.

Sunday:
6:00 am: woke up, jogged to race site, waited until the 10k race, ran, jogged home, showered.

12:30: went to the bus stop, got on first bus.

1:45 – 2:15 or 2:30? : got on second bus, consumed SP juice, chased down with dried fruit, nuts, pomegranate juice, and water; last few sips were disgusting/intolerable, felt nauseous, like my stomach was having spasms; couldn’t drink the rest; permanent cringe on my face, jaw clamped maybe because of bad taste; chills, jittery, shaking, twitching each time I remembered the taste of the SP juice.

3:30? : arrived at beach, feeling paranoid; guy at market gave me key to bathroom, looked in the mirror and saw pupils dilated; feeling cold and shaky so I bought sweater from another guy who said it was $40 but gave it to me for $20 and said “take it easy” or “be careful” or something.

3:30 – 6:00? : walked on beach, colors looked amazing, noticed the sky has pink and purple colors in it that are usually unnoticed; picked up colorful rocks, wanted to burst out laughing a few times at people who passed by me, for no reason; feeling of not knowing how far I had gone along beach; paranoid thinking, scared that my backpack with remaining SP juice would be taken and I’d be reported to police; sat on blanket on sand; OCD-like behavior, afraid to lie down on sand because it’s dirty; listened to “Astrix – Closer to Heaven” and “Infected Mushroom – Symphonatic” (among other songs, but those two got stuck in my head for the rest of the night); felt like it was getting dark and colder, so around 6:00 looked for the bus stop; asked a couple about a bus and felt paranoid they knew I was high and would report me; found the bus stop, it looked like a little island in the middle of the road; car lights looked amazing, bluish glow.

6:00 – 7:00: Somewhere I realized that I’m all alone and my life is meaningless.

6:00 – 7:50? : bus felt similar to roller coaster; could hear little sounds like someone whistling or chewing chips or clicking their jaw right in my ear; lights looked amazing, things rippling; got on second bus; a hippie guy with rainbow socks and a neon green towel sits across from me and keeps staring at me; I notice he has dilated pupils; he asks what my name is because I have beautiful eyes like shining/sparkling fire or something; I say it’s not a good day, he says if I don’t want to talk that’s fine; I ask to sit next to him and then ask in his ear if he’s tripping, he says “I don’t know what you mean;” he says he’s from Germany. An African hippie lady (I thought of her as a ‘shaman’) gets on bus, sits across from me and German hippie, she has beads and she’s whistling (she says she was chanting), starts having a conversation with German hippie about the meaning of life, about eyes, about attraction and love. I realize it’s my stop so I tell them “Listen, you both have a good night,” and I hear some people on the bus laughing. I still don’t know if these two hippies were really there or I imagined them. They had to be there, but it was weird that we were all magically drawn to each other, that we all chose to sit near each other, like we had some sort of secret.

7:50? : walking home, looking around, feeling paranoid; the whole day I’ve been avoiding eye contact with people because I didn’t want them to see my dilated pupils.

8:00: home, scared, alone; things rippling around; feeling hopeless; sent a message to D online, he helped calm me down; pupils always dilated; still shaky but starting to feel warm then cold. Praying, hugging stuffed animals, apologizing to God, wanting the trip to end; Watched music video of “Angel on My Shoulder” by Kaskade on youtube. Thinking about Mom & grandma. Parts of “Symphonatic” song randomly come up in my head.

9:50? : took shower; carpet felt like clouds under my feet; tried to sleep, kept getting up and going to bathroom, looking at mirror to see if pupils were still dilated, they were; took a glowstick bracelet and waved it around, looked cool and smooth; all night could hear parts of Astrix and Infected Mushroom songs; could hear a rumbling like a car motor; little sounds were magnified and sometimes distorted; felt afraid.

3:30 – 4:00 am: pupils started going down.

7:00 am: got up, couldn’t sleep, felt like I wanted to start cleaning my apt; went to eat breakfast at a cafe; felt like I was walking in someone else’s body; still somewhat paranoid, especially since police officers eat breakfast there too; afraid to drink coffee now, got tea instead; was looking at the receipt on the table and it looked like it had black specks but when I picked it up, the specks disappeared.

Prevailing feeling: Being all alone with myself and completely disgusted with myself at the same time.

Learned: what schizophrenics must feel like, that they must be afraid and need comfort/support; that drugs are bad (or at least I thought so at the time); don’t take things for granted; that maybe I should move back with my mom. I felt like God was trying to tell me something and I completely missed it. On reflection, I realized I haven’t contributed anything to society, and am a useless waste of space. This motivated me to go find a job and make friends, and my experience also taught me to be more accepting and less judgmental of people.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 96608
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jan 22, 2021	Views: 885
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Cacti - T. pachanoi (64) : Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)