DOSE: T+ 0:00	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(capsule)
T+ 1:30	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

75 kg

Firstly about myself: I’ve been married for eleven years and my wife is thirteen years younger than me. We have two children aged nine and seven. My wife supports the family and works away from home for months at a time whilst I take care of the house and children. We live in a gated community ten miles from the nearest city and I have little social life whilst my wife is away. I have a healthy diet and practice martial arts early every morning for about one and a half hours. I am acutely aware of any effects of drugs on my mind and body. I am even more wary of prescription medicines than I am illegal drugs and would only take any if absolutely necessary.

Prior to taking MDMA for the first time my experience of illicit drugs consisted of some cannabis use in my late teens and early twenties and twice taking LSD, once decades ago as a student and once a few months ago. I rarely drink alcohol: in the last twelve months, only twice. I like alcohol but not the hangover. My recent interest in drugs stemmed from wanting a social life and wanting to share experiences with my wife when she is home. The LSD I took this year was done at home with only my children present. It was OK, but went on far too long. I experienced heightened awareness of sights and sounds but there were no great revelations. I slept not a minute as the sounds of the night outside seemed deafening. I had no great desire to experience LSD in a social setting and began investigating what drug would be better for meeting people. I decided on MDMA.

I purchased 1 gram of MDMA powder (untested) and it sat untouched for a couple of weeks. I had decided I’d wait until my wife returned home before I tried it because I wanted to share it with her. Reading that “once you’ve had sex on ecstacy you never want it again without” certainly influenced my decision. I’d never known my wife to take illegal drugs before and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to persuade her, but I thought it worth a go. In the event, persuading her wasn’t difficult.

On the evening in question my wife and I went upstairs and measured out 0.1g each of the MDMA powder. We inserted the two doses into empty pill capsules. I was a bit hesitant to take my pill, but my wife showed no such reluctance and swallowed it immediately, so I followed suit. We rejoined the children in the living room and waited… and waited… and waited. After one and a half hours we both hardly felt anything so I decided to go back upstairs and take another 0.1g. This time my wife didn’t want to join me. Rather than messing about with empty capsules I drank the second dose down with orange juice. Half an hour later the effects hit me intensely.

I spent the next few hours singing along with my family to tracks on youtube played through the television. Music sounded amazing and I had an irresistible urge to dance. This for me is totally out of character. Normally, even whilst drunk wild horses couldn’t get me onto a dance floor, but I simply couldn’t help myself. Even my eldest child said I was acting strangely and asked if I’d taken some medicine! Unfortunately, my wife would not join me so I had to dance alone. Two hours after I took my second dose, my wife, seeing how happy I was, did likewise. I don’t know how she felt inside but she looked normal to me. She still wouldn’t dance.

During the whole experience I felt far more in control than I would if I were drunk on alcohol. I felt happy and able to talk coherently with my wife and children. What I didn’t feel was a boost in energy. Despite the urge to dance, I felt more lethargic than I would normally. I didn’t feel great empathy with my family or the world at large either. The only time I have ever felt increased empathy was the first time I took LSD (as a student) when the world felt like one big happy family. Disappointingly, my sense of touch was not enhanced. When I had sex with my wife later it was for me similar to having sex after large amounts of alcohol: I had no problems performing but due to decreased sensitivity I was unable to finish. Afterwards, I fell asleep easily and I slept more deeply than usual for about six hours.

The next morning I got up and trained as usual for one and a half hours. I had been concerned about overheating, especially as I live in the tropics, but I felt no hotter than I normally would when I train. After showering I walked over to a friend’s house and started talking to him in his garden. A few minutes into the conversation I began to feel faint so I walked home, all the while afraid I would black out. Once I was able to lie down on my sofa I felt fine. That day I was tired and I couldn’t think clearly, but I did not feel ill or unhappy. I didn’t feel depressed as I had feared I would during an ecstasy come down, nor have I felt that way since.

The following day I attended some classes. I felt less self conscious speaking in front of the class than I normally would, but I was perhaps a little less confident due to the lack of clarity in my thoughts. For the next two days my mind gradually recovered and my energy levels increased. On the fourth day following the taking of the MDMA I wasn’t busy and my wife, who had enjoyed the MDMA a lot and claimed no after effects at all, wanted to try the other drug I had: two tabs of LSD remaining from my previous purchase a few months ago. I was against it because I knew my brain was not yet recovered from the MDMA, but I allowed myself to be persuaded. In the event, my wife hated the effects of LSD and wouldn’t leave the house so it made for a long and boring day.

A few days after taking the LSD, about one week from taking the MDMA, the real problems began. I started getting what felt like small explosions in my brain causing my head to tremor. I investigated what they might be and decided they were what other people have described as ”brain zaps”, apparently common following SSRI discontinuation. They were very disconcerting. It’s two and a half weeks since they began and only now have they subsided to a level where they no longer annoy me. I’m confident that I will soon be free of them. I don’t know if they were caused by the MDMA, the LSD, or the combination of the two, but my money is on the MDMA. Also after three and a half weeks my energy levels are not back up to normal. I need to sleep more than before and I know this is to allow my brain to recover. My thoughts are still not as clear as prior to taking MDMA.

I’m now afraid to ever try MDMA again. It’s far more fun than alcohol or LSD, but the after effects last too long and are too scary. I suppose when I feel completely recovered I may try MDMA again, but at a lower dose and next time making sure I don’t touch anything else until my brain is totally recovered.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98732
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 47
Published: May 16, 2019	Views: 1,196
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MDMA (3), LSD (2) : First Times (2), Hangover / Days After (46), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)