DOSE:	300 mg	oral	DXM
	15 mg		5-MeO-DiPT
		smoked	5-MeO-DMT
		smoked	DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

52 kg

This is a retrospective of NN-DMT and 5-MEO-DMT.

The 1st time I ever smoked 5-meo-dmt it scared the shit out of me. It was way over intense, and really put me in my place. Subsequently, I trod carefully and actually had a generally good time with it at low doses.

Then some years ago I had occasion to combine DXM (about 300mg) 5-meo-dipt (about 15mg) and 5-meo-dmt (about 5-10mg). At the time that I hit the 5-meo-dmt I was already in a substantially altered state.

When the 5-meo-dmt hit I felt a plug hole open up beneath me, and as my life force was sucked away I said 'sorry' to my friend who was there with me.

After I had collapsed into a puddle he asked me 'why are you sorry' and I replied 'because I just died on your floor and you will have to get my body removed' to which he responded 'if you are dead how are you talking to me' and I replied in all sincerity 'from beyond the grave'...

Then I broke through and found myself laid out on a table with 2 beings who would be best described as 'Greys' standing over me debating what to make of me. They were talking about the fact that I was not supposed to be there and that they didn't know what to do with me because it wasn't my time to move on but I had forced myself to the threshold. They were quite relieved when I came off the boil and returned to reality - more so even than I was.

In the wake of this I was euphoric. Presumably because I had narrowly avoided death (in my mind).

Years passed before I touched either again, this time NN-DMT.

Over the last few months I have attended to NN-DMT on a few occasions.

Of the 7 attempts I have made in this period I could say that 2 were good. The other 5 were variously odd, uncomfortable, disturbing or scary.

I haven't had a major freak out or soul destroying episode, nor for that matter have I had any substantial break-through experiences. Yet at the same time I would say that my DMT experiences have been largely bad.

I'm left questioning whether I should stop banging this particular drum , or continue to fight the fight and see what is on the other side.

I feel that the DMT is telling me again and again 'stop looking' or 'stop asking questions'. Hell, the Greys told me straight up 'you have no business being here'.

Yet I continue to feel that I want to keep trying and that it is just testing my courage and conviction to be sure that I am not entering into this on a whim.

I am torn over this issue.

On the one hand I feel as if something is looking out for my best interest, on the other hand I feel that that same thing is simply trying to keep something from me.

There is a sense that a guardian is trying to save me from myself, yet that same aspect could be just trying to repress me and keep me from really understanding something about myself or the world/life.

More generally, I have as wide a range of psychedelic experiences of anybody I know. I largely have a good time, even including my propensity for paranoid episodes which I somehow enjoy even when I reach the point that I think people in the room are plotting to murder me. To be clear, I roll with the punches, most psychedelics give me some trouble, but DMT is the only one where is seems serious.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 99269
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 35
Published: Jan 13, 2017	Views: 4,026
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5-MeO-DMT (58), DMT (18) : Difficult Experiences (5), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)