DOSE:

100 mg

oral

Methoxetamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

My last year of college has been by far the most valuable in terms of growth. This might be because, having moved around my whole life, this last year marked the longest that I had stayed in one place. The comfort of finally knowing a place however broke through to the desire to explore and experience. It wasn’t long before people had picked up on this energy and I had made a core group of loving supportive friends. We smoked cannabis and drank beers while playing music and sharing our thoughts on life, and every once in awhile we would share a few tabs of LSD together. My best friend who recently graduated came to call this group “the trippers” and anyone we met who we thought might get along with this group we just called “a tripper”.

So it wasn’t long before we, the trippers, had secured a solid online distributor of chemicals, and wouldn’t you know it? The first two powders that I bought were methylone or M1, which I have come to thoroughly love, and Methoxetamine or MXE. The bags were labeled as X, and 1. I, believing that X obviously meant ecstasy, and 1 was obviously referring to 1 gram of MXE, gingerly measured out 10 milligrams of the 1, which was M1, and sniffed it with a hollowed out pen. Within a few minutes I felt a light buzz and continued dosing believing that it was MXE for about a week.

Growing bored with the methylone, which I thought was MXE, I measured out 100mg from the bag labeled X, mixed it with a shot of rum, and drank it.

T=0:15 I started to feel a very strong wobble and heard a growing roar in my ears. At this point I was extremely anxious, nothing I had read about this drug lead me to believe this was normal. I decided that I wanted to end the trip so I started guzzling water and tried to induce vomiting. But I was unable to. I felt at that moment a need to let go and simply accept my fate. The roaring in my ears at that point made every normal sound completely impossible to discern. The roaring I believe actually was a kind of feed back loop and when I entered my relatively quiet room it seemed to subside a bit.

T=00:20 I felt another wave coming on, this time more powerful than the last and my legs started to give, I could no longer move about the room. I was fully convinced at this point that irreversible brain damage was occurring and tried to find peace that I may never be able to walk strait again. I believed foolishly that this is a result of serotonin syndrome as I had sniffed a bit of the M1 (which I thought was MXE) about 6 hours earlier. This is however, completely ridiculous and as I understand MXE is very difficult to get serotonin syndrome from, even combining with a serotonin receptor agonist like M1. (But don’t risk it, someone has died from combining to the two in extreme ~500mg doses and taking them IM)

I get on the phone and dial my girlfriend, seeking someway to explain to her that if I survived this ordeal that I would be totally brain damaged. I finally got her, she lives in Europe and I was in America at the time, and tried to form some sentences. But I could barely make out words, my sentences consisting of one word, then a pause, then a word in a kind of melodic soup of blah. I felt like a mentally disabled person who could barely form the correct clear sounds of words. Needless to say, she freaked and I felt more anxiety at this point as I realized that my last moments of coherency with the one I loved had come too late. She tried to reassure me but it didn’t help, then she got angry that I had done this without her consultation. Somehow I hung up without having her call the police.

T=1:00-2:00? Time seemed to have been lost as drifted in and out of reality, I saw the whole world reduced to a patterned texture and realized that I had lost all sense of who I was or ever was. My identity was completely gone. The anxiety that persisted from before was still existent and I realized that in life I had found my soul mate and I would have to find her again in this new reality. The visual aspect was all encompassing, like a framework of digital folds and yet I could see atoms and electrons swirling around stars. Space and indeed all dimensions and relativity had completely vanished, at times I felt as though my room was the size of a closet, other times it stretched to infinite dimensions. I felt the desire to leave several times but I was completely paralyzed.

The largest overwhelming sense was that of love, that the only thing that had ever mattered was love and that in life I had found it, but now I was alone and I would have to wander this strange new reality in search of love again. I have read that many people who experience near death experiences feel this as well: the appreciation for all the love that I had in my life, the impossible overwhelming joy yet despair at not doing more yet acceptance. I realized that I was not ready to die, I really didn’t want to die.

It’s possible that I had a seizure at this point, but I will never know, I blacked out several times and fortunately my room was cool and my cloths were shed, though I was drenched in sweat. I will never know what actually happened to my body during this time.

T=1:30-2:30? My friend V, a fellow tripper knocks on my door. I yell or talk quietly for him to come in and explain what’s happened. I hug him and tell him that I’m glad that he’s here because I have been lost for what seemed like an eternity and found some grounding to my life through him. He tries to calm me down, he came to ask for a trash bin to put the keg into (the entire reason I took the what I thought was M1, MXE, was for the party taking place that night) I told him “of course” as long as he emptied it into the bins outside. Planes had been flying by my window and to me they sounded like monstrous machines, the sound was intense and had a certain evil to it that is difficult to describe. It reminded me of a film by Elem Klimov about the war between the Soviets and the Germans, the machines that hummed louder and louder as they came to mercilessly destroy all that you had ever known, I felt a special connection to all the souls murdered in such a cold mechanized way. V told me it was just planes. He left and I was once again with out a ground and floated off. I believe he was with me for 15 to 20 minutes but it felt like a few seconds.

T=3:00 I finally started coming down, I was able to call my best friend (who coined the phrase “trippers”) and tell him that I forgot that he existed. It was very strange to me that someone so influential was so far gone. The relationship completely relaxed. We talked a bit about the nature of life and death. I was feeling a lot better at this point, the come down was like bliss and my friend’s words were extremely pertinent and calming. Life began to make more sense than it did in the past.

T=3:30 My friend V came back and asked me to come down and enjoy the party. I reluctantly agreed and found that people were very understanding. They reassured me that my brain was fine and that I looked completely normal. It was nice and I felt honestly as though I had run a marathon.

T=4:00 I called my girlfriend back after believing that I had ruined everything. She was still mad but was happy that she still had me. We really see each other as soul mates to this day. She was sorry that she added to the anxiety, but being so far away and not even being able to understand me, it made her so angry and frusterated to be out of my life. She had thought seriously about calling the police, but being understanding me and knowing that I would be expelled for all the drugs I have in my room, she took the risk. I am glad that she did and would not have blamed her if I did die.

. . .

In retrospect, I will never take an unknown drug in any high dose before taking adequate precautions. I should have taken a dose that is at first below the lowest possible for a reaction ~50 micrograms this is significantly below the LD50 of botulinum toxin (the most toxic chemical known to man by far, with an oral LD50 of 100 micrograms. And, I should have waited a full day after that before taking more, then worked up to a full dose slowly. If I had done this then all of my troubles could have been avoided.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 99381
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Feb 28, 2013	Views: 10,683
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