DOSE:

repeated

oral

MDMA

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

[Erowid Note: While it may be that the substance described is pure MDMA, Ecstasy/Molly tablets and powders are notoriously impure, misrepresented, or adulterated. Ecstasy sold in retail contexts such as festivals or parties often contain chemicals other than MDMA.]
For a whole year I did a whole lot of drugs. The main one I did habitually though, and by that I mean on a week-to-week basis, was Ecstasy. I want to share the long-term effects this drug had for me personally, but first let me explain what my usage was exactly.

Ecstasy- I feel the need to define terms here- was that random who knows what stuff that sometimes made me get that crazy “euphoria.” I honestly had no idea what I was putting into my body. I was young at the time, 19 or so, and really regret putting random pills into myself. I did take straight MDMA on numerous occasions, but the main drag was those “Blue Whales” or “Red Pisces” or “Yellow Snails.” It depended what was in that week.

I started out doing one tab a weekend, but it got worse and worse- to the point to where I was spending so much of my money, in fact all of it, and stealing from friends and family. One tab the first weekends, then two, then three, then…

It got binge like. I remember my worst experience was taking 8 Purple A’s and having no effect. That was right around the time I hit drop bottom and had to stop (a whole year later since my first pill). Binging consisted of “rolling” Friday night, staying up all night or getting an hour or so of sleep and calling my dealer and getting more X the Saturday morning right after and rolling all day. I really did the hell out of this drug. It’s not something I am proud of now looking back. Each weekend I would do anywhere from 2-5 pills.

What made me stop also was I was going insane. The long-term effects of this use of this drug, was random panic attacks, auras or “halos” around lights, and psychotic thoughts. I had also lost so much weight from these X binges. I went from 130 lb being 5'9 to 98 lb. One specific occasion (the last) I did 3 capsules of Red Pisces that contained who knows what which made me have to take Seroquel to fall asleep the next few months. Right before I would fall asleep, POW! The world would fall in on me, and I would have a flashback of an insane nightmare I used to have when I was a preschooler. It was hell. Luckily, it went away.

It’s been a good 2-3 years since the last time I have digested any sort of Ecstasy- MDMA, or anything like that. For the first year after, I remember rapid mood changes from insanely happy to suicidal in only a week. My emotions were a rollercoaster. It was truly obvious to me, and is now, that some of that were the repercussions from putting that much MDMA into my body.

Now, about 3 years later, I have bad days. I have good days. I have always been a cynical sort of human being, but honestly I can say I have never thought of committing suicide. I am myself. I have a 3.6 GPA, I go to a university, and will have my BA soon. My point still is, MDMA was dangerous for me. I can say from first hand experience it definitely seems to have had serious effects on my brain. I feel like I have recovered fully from my long-term usage of it. Still, whenever I listen to “techno” or old rolling songs, I get anxious and my body gets agitated and will have a bowl movement thinking there is a tab in my stomach.

Ecstasy is an intense drug. I am so thankful I am happy from how much of it I did, and that I live a productive life. It might not always end that way though for others, please take my experience into account.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 99837
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Mar 11, 2018	Views: 1,355
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MDMA (3) : Not Applicable (38), Retrospective / Summary (11)